Ugh.

I don’t feel like posting nowadays honestly.

I’ve been feeling more and more depressed over something which I’m not sure is what.

I think about you, yes.

And no matter how hard I try, you still tear me up bit by bit from the inside.

No matter how hard, it doesn’t work. She said that my focus is wrong. But I tried shifting my focus onto the right things.

But it doesn’t work that way. I’m so exasperated. I’m really at my wits’ end.

I have no idea what to do, because I tried so many things and it doesn’t work. Yet I cannot just let it remain like this, my heart is killing me. I’m so exhausted. Really.

Maybe this is the end of the road.

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Distant

Its been some time since I posted.

I confess, a lot of things had been in my mind for the past few weeks or so.

Most of all, you.

I met your friend today. We had the same table for prom, remember? Me, you, some of your friends.

Its a sudden remembrance of that time.

And its weird how she phrased it.

‘You’re her friend right?’

I know its better if most didn’t know. But honestly, we weren’t just friends back then. Yet to be noted as just friends sounds.. demeaning to me.

Somehow, I’m starting to think of you again. The other day, Saturday, I had the retreat. On the way back, Yilong was talking to me about Amy, then about relationships in general, then about you.

It felt odd.

I don’t know how should I behave, or feel, or think.

Reminds me of me and Trina then. The last few stages of the weird feelings. Maybe.

I should restrain myself.

Self control.

Burning the stress.

Greetings.

Felt like its been some time since I posted. I was having a camp for the past 3 days. Team bonding camp. And trust me, it was great. There came a random chance whereby I had to.. um.. interact with Trina. It dulled the awkwardness I get whenever I see her. You know that sort.

Currently on my way to city hall for polite serve day 1.

And sweetheart, in case you see this. I just want you to know that I’m tired. And if you love to go missing, then its alright. I won’t let myself miss you that much. Xin ying was right.

God bless.

T is for .. sTrangers.

You know. I just remembered something which I have forgotten about.

Today is the 9th of September.

And, just for the record, the 9th of September two years ago was the day me and Trina got together. So, by the wildest chance you are reading this, Trina, this is for you.

First and foremost, I just want to say thank you. For all the little things we had in the past, and for the lessons you have taught me. I know that we aren’t really the best of friends, yet simply strangers again, I just want to say that you are still, my friend. It’s not that I still can’t get over you. I’ve more than put you down. But now, I really regret what had happened.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if we stayed as friends instead of getting together. Since we are still in the same institution, would we still be close friends if September the 9th didn’t exist? This is something I will always wonder for every friendship that I screwed up.

I know that you think that I’m a jerk, or coward. You probably still think that way. But sometimes, I wonder if we can just be normal friends again. I don’t even need you to see me as a proper friend. Maybe the next time I see you, I would be daring enough to said hi.

The story of us was a really terrible one. As probably many would have thought, and I now do as well, we really rushed into things. It’s awkward now, is it? But I don’t think I can ever forgive myself if I ever lose a friend like you.

Honestly, if you are reading this, I must admit that I have no idea why I am typing this. Perhaps it’s just my weird nature of trudging through the ashes of the past. It’s like a small little knot I have. Might not be that important, but it’s a little issue, see? What am I saying. I don’t even make sense.

Bottomline, I just wish that we are but friends again. Please, should anyone see this and have opinions, I would just want to say that she is but a friend, nothing more. I’m typing this for old time’s sake, and I just needed to let out what is in my head, because there are other things, other people that I am more worried about. So, just a little rant, a little post, a little reminder about a long lost friend who became an everyday stranger. So, if you are adamant that we stay as strangers and just strangers, I have no qualms. Afterall, I see you as a friend, nothing else. Promise.

Please don’t judge me or see me differently.. I just wonder about our old friendship.

…done.

Silentious Requiem.

Greetings.

I realised that translating my emotions into words aren’t good enough. This WordPress could not fully express myself. I still feel trapped, I am still lost. I still miss you so, just as I still do at this moment.

So, I started yet another WordPress. I will be using the WordPress to come up with a little writing. I loved writing. Not just this WordPress, but I really like to form some writing with a story. So, therefore the idea was born.

The story itself will take on reference from people that I know in real life. So, if you are really special or important to me somehow, you might just find someone appearing in the story that is similar to you. Whether is it in terms of names or personality, it might just reflect you. Little bits of it will be actual happenings from my life, while some other would be inspired by other incidents.

And yes, the main character was fashioned after someone important to me in a sense.

I loved writing, really. I remembered I started writing things along these lines since Sec 3. And, every time I had a chance to write, I would want to write non stop and I will always try to build on it. But it always failed.

Therefore, here I am. I want to try and really write something. It expresses my emotions like no other. Hope it’s not too much of a disgrace. So, yup.

God bless.

Undaunted.

You know..

It doesn’t matter even if we aren’t talking 24/7 or everyday.

I learnt that some things shouldn’t be forced. I am already very glad that I can talk to you if i need to, and you can always approach me if you need to. I think that that in itself is already wondrous. I think that this is one of the best relationships you can get in terms of man and man. Thank God for a friend like you, though I won’t hide how special you are to me. Someday, maybe everything will be the way I want it to be. Even if it doesn’t, I just pray that we won’t lose each other.

I will be trying something special later. So.. yup, see how it goes then!

That’s all for now!

God bless~