Mercury.

Greetings!

For those of you who know me well enough, you’ll know that I’m rather mercurial, lingering on the edge of being bipolar. And sometimes, I find myself losing control of myself.

I feel like I’m going estranged. One moment I can be broken beyond repair, yet the next I can be well again for no reason. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me nowadays. It’s as if my head contains a big chunk of things, and at random timings my head simply chooses a random entity and decides to let it affect me in whatever way possible.

I hardly need say this, but the resulting effect is not even healthy.

Things are changing in my life I guess. And the changes are happening faster than I can accept. And suddenly, it’s like I’m left to be someone else I barely know. And to be honest, there’s not enough time for me to even settle down and think through it, or even accept it.

Its kind of scary when you leave someone to their own devices for an extended period of time. Its not even about what it’ll do to them physically, but rather more about what it’ll do to their heads.

And an idle mind is the devil’s playground.

Its good to spend quality time with people that are important in your life. But its even more important to spend some time with God.

And more often than not, I feel that I need to do more of that. To be away from all the distractions and temptations the earthly world has to offer.

God bless.

It’s hard to be doing this.

Sometimes, I just feel so suffocated, so pressurised.

It’s like trying to remember someone you have never met, trying to forget someone you spent your entire life with.

And that’s the feeling I’m going through right now.

It hurts a lot, yes. The pain doesn’t feel justified or even worthy. It’s like there’s a deep seated thorn somewhere in my heart. And with every attempt to get it out, it goes further in instead. And it’s annoying. It doesn’t belong there. It’s ripping everything out.

I miss you. I think of you every single day. I feel like I’m going crazy. But, no. I don’t deserve you. I have many flaws, many sins, many shortcomings. I’m not worthy of you, not a single bit. Yet, I’m still here. Drowning in your absence.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s only for the time being. I’m going delirious soon. Maybe it’s only a matter of time.

Just because we have the chemistry, we still lack the timing. And timing, is a tricky thing.

And, we can never tell for timing.

Sweetheart, what if we held on?

Blue skies, bluer moon.

Greetings and Salutations!

I’m back again, after a long, long vacation. Funny how I can’t make myself to press, yet I still have time to press this. At school. 

Many things had happened over the past month of absence, or even the past two months or so. And, I think it is safe to say that many of the events that transpired had really made me question myself about certain things in life. And one of the things that I have yet to answer is what do I wish to see out of this particular event, which I don’t think I should divulge until a further date.

See, this particular event required my time and effort for some time. And a lot of people had asked me, where am I going with this. Despite the answer that I had gave myself at the start of this assignment, the question never fails to unhinge me. With each time, I lose myself even more.

And see, right now, I’m no longer sure of what I want, and what do I hope to see. I could ask myself this many times a day. And by the end of it, I won’t be mentally stable.

Right now, I just cannot wait to finish it. I’m excited, exuberant even.

So, how had God bless the past two months of your life?

Personally, I don’t even know where to start. Being more proactive in SYFC, or preparing to be a cell leader, I realised that, hey, I’m not sure if I am fit to be. Many things do I struggle with in life. Yet, sometimes, I seem to be losing these struggles. But see, I was only reminded recently that we cannot hope to achieve everything on our own. All my fears and worries are uncalled for. And only recently, am I reminded that God’s grace and mercy is all I need. Because through Christ who strengthened us, we can do all things.

And all things, no matter how hard or impossible, we can set out with a bold heart and an amazing God, to achieve.

God bless.