Whistling in the air.

You know that feeling?

The feeling that you have when you know that a feeling is mutual between you and someone else? And because of that knowledge, it gives you a weird feeling? Like the feeling of recklessness? The wanting to do something crazy and stupid? Yeah, I’m feeling that right now. Yeah, it’s about the revelation.

I don’t know. I think I will run away with the knowledge. I don’t know how to put this, it’s like the knowing of this incident will make me crazy and do thing tremendously stupid.

The unknown feeling that I’m feeling yesterday when I heard it. I think now I know what is it that I’m actually feeling. It’s joy. Pure golden joy. And now that the pleasant truth ( for once ) has been thrust into my face, I’m not sure what do I want to do with it. I guess you could say it’s like this.

You’re wanting something so bad, that you can’t sleep, you can’t eat, just thinking about that issue all day long. It’s messing with your brain and you don’t know what you want to do with your life, except just to think about that issue. And yet, finally when the truth is revealed, when the truth is what you hoped it to be, your life comes to a meaningless halt. You don’t know what to do. You have no idea where to go next, except to grope around in the darkness, hoping to find some kind of direction or light. It’s like, every single moment in your life, you had been propelled, compelled, wanting to reach this place. And yet, the moment when you reach it, you lost meaning. Like an arrow, shot with determination towards the target for the duration of it’s flight. And when it lodges the head into the target, it’s stopped.

And look, I totally have no idea what to do with that knowledge. Seems like I could no longer do what I thought that I’m good at.

And now I know, the next time I see you, I’m not sure if I’m able to control myself. I think I’ll go crazy. Probably, the next time I see you, maybe I’ll finally do what is required of me. To do what I’ve been wanting to do since years ago. Maybe it’s finally time to move on to somewhere brighter.

I kind of look forward to that.

 

Lots of love,

God bless,

Tona.

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