Two of a kind.

I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing or not, nowadays. I’m not even sure what do I expect to come out of this venture. Ethically speaking, I’m pretty sure what I’m doing is in the gray area. But, I don’t know why am I doing it either.

What is it that I’m hoping for? For a chance to return things to what they once were before everything changed and dropped?

I’m really so confused by myself now. I’m have no idea what to do for the two of you.

On the left hand, the days are ticking away. Only a few days left. Yet, I’m still procrastinating inside. I keep telling myself to finish it later. Perhaps its because of the fact that after I finish this, I’m not going to do anything for you anymore. Maybe it’s because of the idea, perception or disbelief even, that really demotivate me from finishing it. And what I think I really need to do is to work on it, because the days left are few. And really, parts of it, I’m not really pleased with it. So, that’s that. And when it’s done, it’s really going to be the end of that. That’s that.

On the right hand, the days are long and many. Unknown even. I have no idea how long things will take to pan out between us. I don’t hope for anything, because I don’t. I just hope that, between you and me, our friendship can be the same as what it once was. And I’m not sure what it will take to achieve that, or how long even. But I really am sincere about this. Because the issue had been at the back of my head for the past few years or so. I really miss us. Trust me when I say that, because I do mean it, every single letter of the sentence with all that I have and am. I am hopeful about us. I really want, really look forward to that day. That day when things are done, wounds are healed and scars are gone. That’s that.

But it’s not easier to achieve both the light hand and the right hand issues. Sometimes, I feel like I’m letting down the lefthanded person just so that I can restore things with the righthanded person. It’s like trying to gain balance between both, yet failing miserably because it’s so near impossible to be perfect in all sense. Yet, I try even though I know that failure is indefinitely imminent, because for me, the point of trying is greater than the point of reaching where we want to be.

I don’t know who might mean more to me, the left hand or the right hand. I suppose I could say, certainly, that the two of them means the world to me. It certainly isn’t an understatement to say that  they are two of the most important persons to me in the world. If it ever came down to choosing which should I choose, I honestly don’t know.

I’m sorry I can’t be more specific or detailed about who they are. Eyes are watching and everything about this post is downright sensitive in all sense. I guess now, it’s not about putting things down, but rather putting things at where they rightfully belong.

I just hope that I don’t drop any of the two, or placing them somewhere they shouldn’t be placed, lest I forget about them and never see them, ever again.

 

Lots of love,

God bless,

Tona.

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