Lights shouldn’t flicker. The on and off. The inconsistency. The bordering scene between darkness and illumination. You either go full burning passion, or an icy cold ignorance. If you ever try to stay somewhere in between, you won’t enjoy it.
I guess that some things can never ever be the same once it changes. And it is quite a sob story, that many things of this world posses that nature.
It’ll be yet another reminder to me that certain things should be dealt with with the utmost care and sensitivity. And, perhaps this is one of the things that is the most apparent of all. If we’re dealing with people, then even more so should we tread lightly.
This is terrible. I have an issue, that requires urgent attention and it needs to be settled with precision. But I find myself losing that precision so often. It’s as if I’m no longer me. That person typing this is not the same person who typed that first post so many months ago.
I changed. And quite frankly, so did many people. And sometimes without us realising it. Years come and go like days. And before you knew it, you’re already standing at yet another crossroad in life. What do you do?
Because this crossroad, I am unsure. I’m not unsure if this is a crossroad or not. I don’t know what will happen out of this venture. It’s as if, I’m once again delving into the big unknown, it’s as if I’m as ignorant as I used to be.
I lost what it means to be fearless, to be unflinching, to be one who takes a big bold step onto a sheet of thin ice. Now? I’m probably never stepping out onto that ice. I have had two relationships that broke down and slapped me tight across the face. It stung. It always did.
Somedays, I just find myself to be a scared little boy, finding the colours and motions of the outside world amazing yet too cold a reality to face. It’s as if the moment you step outside, every person that walks past you will judge you for how you look, how you walk, how you think and what do you do. Society judges people even though society says to you to be you.
So tired. Tired of all of this.