Colours

One of the days, you told me that you walked until your legs felt like breaking.

And me, being the cheeky nonsense that I was, and still am, I told you to use super glue to mend.

At that point of time, super glue, I recall, was some inside joke that we shared thus I said super glue.

However, you kind of flared up and got angry at me.

And that was the first argument we ever had.

But you know what is the scariest thing?

I had no idea who you are.

Life took me by the collars and shook me rough enough that my memories are starting to be incoherent, to the point that I no longer accurately remember with who do I share certain memories with and that I mix up people.

Was it you? Or you? Or you? I cannot remember.

A single thread of my tapestry unravels, it catches and hooks unto other strands. The whole image falls apart at the seams and the colours are a whirl and a twirl.

Reds, blues, greens and grey. All a blur.

And a blur is what you are all that is left to me.

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I see you in ways I could never ever bring myself to see anyone else in and never could anyone else see with.

I reserve for you the lens that are tinted, your flaws taken as perfection and your shortcomings as celebrations.

I perceive you in angles I never saw myself in, with a light that comes not from stars but from within.

I glimpse at you from between fingers, fearful that intruding upon your sanctuary will I no longer linger.

I am meek. But you remind me that insanity is my way of life. For a crazed fool I am and a impossible end I seek.

This is the first Christmas without you around since 2013.

It feels all sorts of different and wrong.

A little part of me still hope that you will come back.

But I know you are meant to fly.

Yet this cage holds you me both.

Maybe I should fly too.

… I wish I could control myself better.

Do you feel it

The emptiness

The void

The giant vacuum

You feel desolate and dead

You feel nothing

Numbness

Dull

Blunt

I feel like a dead man walking

For even if my outerward appearence is lively, I feel like death itself within

I lack something

I am missing something

But I have no idea

This does not even hurt, but just a dull boringness

I feel.. nothing

I feel like I am nothing

What is this

I see you..

I see you in everything that I do.

A breath that I take.
A view that I see.
A breeze that I feel.

How can you, another mere mortal like the next, can embed yourself so deeply into the consciousness of another?

I see the whole world in your eyes and it’s like I’ve known you all my life.

How many times I looked into your eyes and found a myriad of emotions reflected back at me?

I see you all everything that I do. And that in itself, is the greatest blessing I can ask for and the biggest curse I can ever bear.