Yes? Or no?
I don’t know.
The smallest part of me wants to say yes.
Yes, I am ready to be back fully and to throw myself headfirst into the thick of things. I am ready to be back in the field, to be back in the fires of war and to continue my old business.
But.. a smallest part of me wants to say no.
No, I am not ready. I can’t guarantee that I want to stay. Part of me wants to move on elsewhere, to say yes to other things at other places. To break free completely yet not without a tinge of remorse, shame and cowardice.
What do I do?
I am at a loss.
I miss doing what I do. And I desperately want to be back, to fight for the cause.
But part of me, still feels as if I am not ready.
Perhaps I still need to be more stubborn in the face of adversity.
I still am weak with many a ways to go.