The Cool Christians Club

Have you ever noticed that when we were younger we wished our time away? “I cannot wait until I turn 12 years old!” “When I get 13 years old I will be a teenager!””When I turn 16 years old I am going to get me a job and drive a Mercedes.” Little did we know that we were going to be driving our mom’s old Yugo. Whatever happened to the Yugo? (If you are from Generation Y then you will not get this joke). 🙂 “When I turn 18 years old I am going to move out and get my own place!”(That translates into furnished basement in mom’s house). “When I turn 21 years old then I will not have to pretend that I am 21 years old, my ID will be real.” Do not act as if you have not at least tried it once! Even the coolest of…

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Revitalization's Weblog

Take a moment, and be amazed by something.

Stop, be present, and realize where you are right now.

Pause, and reflect upon how fascinating it is that millions upon millions of instances led up to who you are at. this. moment.

Ponder about how each and every day, the people you pass by, the people you make eye contact with, the people you speak to, you laugh with, you cry with, you negotiate with, you get angry with, you make love with, you grow old with… those people, ALL those people have a story, have an immense history, have a childhood, have a past. And their stories are etched within the wrinkles on their faces, imbedded in their voices, stitched in their clothing… it’s who they are. Their stories make them who they are.

Breathe, breathe in this life, the wonder that surrounds you, breathe in the fact that…

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Blurring.

I have no idea how to explain what’ s happening to me.

There are days whereby you just don’t want to do anything, only wanting to lie at home in bed and just waste the day away. And today is probably one of those days.

And things are happening in a pace, I can’t seem to be able to comprehend. People are changing too fast for me to even recognise them.

I know that somebody is watching this space, and I think it is who I think it is. And it kinds of making me think twice about what I’m posting or typing. Some things are more sensitive, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to post it here. Well, not that kind of stuff, but rather, people-sensitive.

To be honest, I feel cooped up nowadays, restrained by some invisible girdle. I want to break free of everything. I want to stop caring about everything. Yet I can’t. Responsibilities. And some worrying. Nagging emotion.

Oh well, that’s all for now. Will press more later, something is getting on my nerves.

 

Lots of love,

God bless,

Tona.

Big Day

29 November, 2012. I waited months for this day to come. And now that it did, I’m relieved.

I made a video for Shi Yin’s, or Heidi if you would prefer, 18th birthday. This is the Big Day.

I spent almost half a year preparing and making the video. Was it worth it?

Indeed it was. My purpose was simply. Just do something for her birthday.

And honestly, I have no idea what to expect out of this.

But the video is done and she’s seen it. I’ve thrown my ace of spades and it wasn’t in vain. I won something precious. The prize of friendship. I would like to think that the hand had strengthen the bond even more than ever.

And that’s the left-handed issue. Its resolved now. Whereas for the right-hand, I think it won’t be that easy. It will take a lot on my part. Yet like what I expressed, somewhere else, if the person do not want to change things, I won’t force changes. All I can say offhandedly now is to simply take it step by step. Baby steps.

Its easier to make friends with a new stranger, than to make friends with an old stranger.

Reflective surface.

Again, the left-handed and right-handed issue is giving me quite the worry.

On the left hand, the day is coming soon. Only a while more left. At that time, I’ll just have to play my ace of spades and hope for the best. Whether it is enough to win anything though, remains to be seen. I’m playing against impossible odds with close to no hope of winning. Yet I’m already at the table, and there’s no point of folding my cards anymore. Now, I can only try and endure until the time to show hand, which mercifully is only a short while away, and pray that at the very least, we won’t lose this friendship.

On the right hand, I’m patiently waiting for the correct cards to be dealt. Someone once described me and you as king and queen in a deck of cards. Granted, the meaning is no longer as literal as before, but I’m pretty sure the analogy still stands. Therefore, I’m waiting for the cards to be dealt. When might it be though, I have no idea. I don’t know what to make of the circumstances that we’re in. Only recently that I seen you again, it brought out flashbacks and reminiscent feelings. I regret things. It should not have been. I hate how in the end, its the friendship that takes the brunt of the impact. I feel that the day, is not far away though. Maybe soon, the cards dealt will be favourable to win what was treasure, cherished and lost.

Its mesmerizing and enchanting that we never know what will happen next in our lives. I really don’t know what’s going to happen to the 3 of us. We’re connected in such a messy way, I don’t know how did all this even start in the first place.

But I’m ready to move on. I’m just trying to save our friendships.

Because mirrors break. But why do you need a perfect mirror for? Just take the biggest shard and it’ll suffice. Even if its remnants are in pieces, doesn’t mean it can’t be useful again.

“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.” – Benjamin Mays

 

I had a very special teacher in high school many years ago whose husband died suddenly of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some of her insights with a classroom of students. The class was nearly over, and as the late afternoon sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows, she moved a few things aside on the edge of her desk and sat down there. With a gentle look of reflection on her face, she paused and said, “Before class is over, I would like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class, but which I feel is very important.”

“Each of us is put here on earth to learn, share, love, appreciate and give…

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Waiting waiting.

I noticed that I always have this tendency to end up waiting for others.  Whether is it waiting for them physically, or for their text replies or what.

And its no fun. Whether you’re talking about something important or not, its gratifying to know that for a few seconds, someone took some time to think of you and composed a message for you. Even if its just a one-word reply or an entire passage.

So why is it that I’m always here waiting for people? I’m sure we’ve all done a good load of waiting, and some of them figuratively put us on the edge. Did you enjoy it? I thought so.

And so here I am, waiting for a reply from someone who had no reason, no obligation to do so. And still, I have no idea why do I wait. Maybe I’m crazy in that sense.

Alright, more later on if i have time then. Chop chop.

Lots of love,

God bless,

Tona.