I have no idea how to explain what’ s happening to me.
There are days whereby you just don’t want to do anything, only wanting to lie at home in bed and just waste the day away. And today is probably one of those days.
And things are happening in a pace, I can’t seem to be able to comprehend. People are changing too fast for me to even recognise them.
I know that somebody is watching this space, and I think it is who I think it is. And it kinds of making me think twice about what I’m posting or typing. Some things are more sensitive, and I don’t think it’s appropriate to post it here. Well, not that kind of stuff, but rather, people-sensitive.
To be honest, I feel cooped up nowadays, restrained by some invisible girdle. I want to break free of everything. I want to stop caring about everything. Yet I can’t. Responsibilities. And some worrying. Nagging emotion.
Oh well, that’s all for now. Will press more later, something is getting on my nerves.
Lots of love,
29 November, 2012. I waited months for this day to come. And now that it did, I’m relieved.
I made a video for Shi Yin’s, or Heidi if you would prefer, 18th birthday. This is the Big Day.
I spent almost half a year preparing and making the video. Was it worth it?
Indeed it was. My purpose was simply. Just do something for her birthday.
And honestly, I have no idea what to expect out of this.
But the video is done and she’s seen it. I’ve thrown my ace of spades and it wasn’t in vain. I won something precious. The prize of friendship. I would like to think that the hand had strengthen the bond even more than ever.
And that’s the left-handed issue. Its resolved now. Whereas for the right-hand, I think it won’t be that easy. It will take a lot on my part. Yet like what I expressed, somewhere else, if the person do not want to change things, I won’t force changes. All I can say offhandedly now is to simply take it step by step. Baby steps.
Its easier to make friends with a new stranger, than to make friends with an old stranger.
Again, the left-handed and right-handed issue is giving me quite the worry.
On the left hand, the day is coming soon. Only a while more left. At that time, I’ll just have to play my ace of spades and hope for the best. Whether it is enough to win anything though, remains to be seen. I’m playing against impossible odds with close to no hope of winning. Yet I’m already at the table, and there’s no point of folding my cards anymore. Now, I can only try and endure until the time to show hand, which mercifully is only a short while away, and pray that at the very least, we won’t lose this friendship.
On the right hand, I’m patiently waiting for the correct cards to be dealt. Someone once described me and you as king and queen in a deck of cards. Granted, the meaning is no longer as literal as before, but I’m pretty sure the analogy still stands. Therefore, I’m waiting for the cards to be dealt. When might it be though, I have no idea. I don’t know what to make of the circumstances that we’re in. Only recently that I seen you again, it brought out flashbacks and reminiscent feelings. I regret things. It should not have been. I hate how in the end, its the friendship that takes the brunt of the impact. I feel that the day, is not far away though. Maybe soon, the cards dealt will be favourable to win what was treasure, cherished and lost.
Its mesmerizing and enchanting that we never know what will happen next in our lives. I really don’t know what’s going to happen to the 3 of us. We’re connected in such a messy way, I don’t know how did all this even start in the first place.
But I’m ready to move on. I’m just trying to save our friendships.
Because mirrors break. But why do you need a perfect mirror for? Just take the biggest shard and it’ll suffice. Even if its remnants are in pieces, doesn’t mean it can’t be useful again.
I noticed that I always have this tendency to end up waiting for others. Whether is it waiting for them physically, or for their text replies or what.
And its no fun. Whether you’re talking about something important or not, its gratifying to know that for a few seconds, someone took some time to think of you and composed a message for you. Even if its just a one-word reply or an entire passage.
So why is it that I’m always here waiting for people? I’m sure we’ve all done a good load of waiting, and some of them figuratively put us on the edge. Did you enjoy it? I thought so.
And so here I am, waiting for a reply from someone who had no reason, no obligation to do so. And still, I have no idea why do I wait. Maybe I’m crazy in that sense.
Alright, more later on if i have time then. Chop chop.
Lots of love,